the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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