She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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