life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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