Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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