if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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