Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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