soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
