her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
