at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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