Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
