clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
