bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
