Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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