well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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