i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
