every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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