I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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