apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
