sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
