I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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