It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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