Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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