So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
