Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
