handjob tips. give me some.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Help. Why am I so naked?
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