Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
