she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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