Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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