Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
