Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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