great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
