I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
