She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
