Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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