I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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