peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
