The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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