and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
