T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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