Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
