So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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