Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
