speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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