i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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