question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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