I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
