I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
