96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
