You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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