Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
