dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
