Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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