Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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