shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
