Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just cut my nipple shaving
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
