I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
