Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
