I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just high enough for therapy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
