I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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