Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
