he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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