I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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