I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
