What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
