yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
