I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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