I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
