Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
