i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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