speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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