So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize