went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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