I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
In America we eat man semen.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
