i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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