$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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