Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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