so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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