I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think people are normalizing furries
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
