after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
