Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
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& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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